Arghhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!
If it wasn't for my wonderful lawyer whom I can call at any time (during working hours!) i don't know what i would be doing right now. I can't have too many tears left inside- although there always seems to be plenty no matter what . no1 daughter has been on the waiting list to have a lung perfusion (sp?!) test done, to make sure her heart is pumping enuf blood into her lungs. Turns out she had it done today and everyone knew but me . I found out from my ex that he had taken her to have it done this morning. I don't blame him though- it is not up to him to inform me (she is in care at the mo). But I desperately wanted to be with her for it and SHOULD'VE been there with her for it even if ex was there too. Then straight after I found that out my access with her was completely mucked up. The lady who brings her round to my place was told there would be no access today coz of the test, but no-one else was told (so yes, even she knew it was happening). At least she was fuming too- she said she has been mucked around so much by the social workers about other cases too. She fitted in our access today which was so nice of her, so even though it was an hour late I still got my access with no1. But if our social worker DARES to tell me tomorrow when she rings that she 'doesn't want to hurt me' (words she has said so many times now when she makes a decision about something that does hurt me) I will definately not be held accountable for any words etc that will be going her way. And I am trying to make a complaint to her supervisor about all the muck-ups that have happened with access. In about 10-12 weeks there have been that many problems. I was told to write them down and have done every time. It is ridiculous. I can't cope with this sort of stuff at any time let alone right now. But my lawyer is fuming too, and is getting onto it tomorrow if she wasn't able to today....
Just had a call from a friend. She is the one person I can call anytime til midnight mon to fri if i need to talk- she is a radio presenter and does the 7pm til midnight shift (Love songs til midnight, ironically). She wanted me to make a dedication and for one of the first times ever I didn't need to think about who i would do it to, or what song. Even though the station hasn't come to my town yet she calls on me to help her if she is having a quiet night, or a lull between callers. I had no 2nd thoughts about choosing 'that's what friends are for' and dedicating it to all my true friends who are supporting me thru everything, but as i reminded her off air the dedication was primarily for her. she is the most wonderful, gernerous soul around and just hearing her voice has calmed me down so much- along with this 'venting'!!!
So, i think i'm done for now