Hi Lizard Queen,

I've just joined this site for my own reasons, but I saw your post so thought I would add my thoughts. Some of what I've struggled with in my relationship is not too disimilar to what you're partner might be feeling (although my sitution is under very different circumstances to yours)... but the point is, I can see it from his point of view to an extent. We've obviously only heard your side so, as far as he is concerned, I have to go on what you've said about him, but it certainly sounds like he loves and cares for you a great deal. If he was cheating on you, I can't imagine him putting in so much effort to, not only convince you, but more importantly to reassure you... like saying he will stand by you. That counts for so much and it demonstrates genuine love for you. As for lieing about finding comfort somewhere else when you split up - I'm not suprised - he is a guy and we approach intimacy differently from you girls! He needed some care and comfort that he was missing from you at the time, but of course he thought (like the stupid dumb blokes we all are!) that it would be worse to tell you about it. Did he come back to you?... is he still with you?... yes, and that's what counts.

If it was me, I think the best thing would be to be totally open with him - he knows this is a problem and has said he will stick by you, so why not discuss with him exactly what you feel you need to do. Tell him you are sorry, but you think about counting his condoms, checking his phone... by making it a normal topic of discussion you remove the one thing that is so unhealthy and distructive - the deceit. It almost takes the power out of it and may even bring you closer. Communication is the key I think.. that and mutual love. It sounds like you both have the latter in abundance.