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It happens all the time I wake up crying in the middle of the night. I had a brief lift when I started therapy last week.
Now I am crying and want a drug or anything that will stop the insanity.
I want to die, but I can't, my mom, dad, daughter, and dog are very dependant on me. I do not want to hurt them anymore. Ever! They have stuck with me through all of the insanity of drugs, alcohol and hospitalizations and the eventual reality that I have a problem that cannot be solved through medication or therapy.
I know I am not giving it enough time, but I leave MISA(Mental Illness and Substance Abuse) feeling great and crash hard into depression and suicidal thoughts every night.
The only thing I know to do is to take sleeping pills and drink beer until I fall asleep.
I hide it very well from my family as I have been experiencing this since 1983, and I am not that old.
I just got out of the state hospital, started after care and I’m more messed up than I was before.
Treatment does not seem to be working, I just don’t know what to do besides over dosing and being done with life, but my guilty conscious won’t let me and I just continue to hurt everyone around me.
Thanks for any advice or words of wisdom, Dan
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