It's interesting to me that you put it exactly that way, Wiki..needing "an exit in sight." I was going through a rough patch for the past few months, and when things were at their worst, I definitely felt like I wanted my life to end. (And I felt like a coward because as much as I wanted it over, I couldn't do it.) My T said that I panic if I don't feel there's some escape available to me. She also said that, until I fence sui off as a possibility, I'll never be able to work through my issues. I guess if that sort of "escape" feels like an option, I can continue to avoid things. And I think that's true even if you have no intentions of actually following through on sui. Sometimes the feeling of "well, I'll always have X as a last resort" is enough, I think.

Anyway, when things were finally a little better, I told T that it's not that I want to kill myself...it's just that I want to die. She seemed a little pleased that I was making that distinction, at least.

I do want to say that I feel like it is possible to change one's attitude about it. The "fencing off" has been a good little image for me. I don't think the passive death wish is gone for me yet, and I'm sure it'll wax and wane when things are more or less difficult. Still, I feel it loosing it's grip on me somewhat.

Hang in there Yang. You're not alone!