Suzzie, you really have to understand and SEE that what you are saying is YOU DON'T KNOW HOW to HELP YOURSELF. But you are really NOT ALONE IN THAT. It doesn't mean YOU ARE IN ANY WAY A FAILURE EITHER OR AT FAULT. You have to be willing to finally give yourself permission TO FINALLY ASK FOR WHAT YOU ALWAYS DESERVED TO HAVE. And finally LEARN how to GIVE to YOU.

I tell EVERYONE to be kind to themselves and I MEAN IT FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. That is where you have to start and keep giving yourself permission to do.
I know it isn't easy either, ME TOO. I know that I MYSELF have to LEARN how to give to myself AND BE OK WITH IT. I have to remember that DENIAL WAS ENGRAINED INTO ME, AND THAT WAS TRUELY NEVER MY FAULT, AND IT ONLY FEELS RIGHT BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT I WAS TAUGHT TO FEEL. I am a middle aged woman and have YEARS of GIVING TO EVERYONE ELSE TO HAVE A SENSE OF SELF WORTH. I gave up SO THAT MY DAUGHTER AND HUSBAND COULD GET WHAT "THEY" needed.
And they DON'T GET ME. They have EVEN BEEN MAD AT ME. It took a LOT out of me TO KEEP THEM HAPPY and when they saw me tired and UNPREDICTABLE, they DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT. My daughter DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT, and I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IT enough to EXPLAIN IT TO HER. My daughter says that HER TEEN YEARS WERE DIFFICULT, YES, IT WAS VERY HARD FOR ME TO KEEP HER NEEDS FILLED. And I broke and got ill and faced SO MANY CHALLENGES that I NEVER EXPECTED TO FACE AND THEY WERE VERY HARD ON ME. I could not explain to anyone else the things that were not explained to me or that I myself didn't understand. BUT, because I always SEEMED TO KNOW HOW TO PROBLEM SOLVE OTHER PEOPLE, I was misunderstood AND JUST EXPECTED TO HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS. But I HONESTLY DIDN'T "HAVE" ALL THE ANSWERS, EVEN THOUGH I KEPT PUSHING THROUGH AND BEING STRONG IN MANY WAYS.

Often, we unknowingly teach others to EXPECT so MUCH FROM US. We can even TEACH THEM TO DENY US LIKE WE DENY US. And if we can deny ourselves SO STRONGLY, when we break EVERYONE CAN PUNISH US INCLUDING OURSELVES and IT IS REALLY NOT OUR FAULT. We are what we know, and I am no exception. So, we HAVE TO BE WILLING TO "LEARN" HOW TO finally give ourselves permission TO FIX ourselves and GIVE to ourselves WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY ABOUT IT. And for a while it FEELS WRONG, because WE NEVER DID IT BEFORE, we JUST DID WHAT WE KNEW HOW TO DO.

Often we are not even aware of WHO WE REALLY ARE and HOW WE HAVE ADAPTED TO "being taught SELF DENIAL".

Open Eyes