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Leed · May 24, 2012, 10:11 AM

You CAN'T give up! You've already taken the huge step of getting into therapy -- you recognized that you needed help and you did it! I applaud you for that. Many people don't do what YOU did -- they deny that they need help, and just go on and stay miserable. But YOU knew you needed help and got it. I'm proud of you.

Don't waste the work you've already done. In therapy, it has to get worse before it gets better. I've been in therapy off and on most of my adult life. We have to go down some very dark alleys of our past, and delve into some very black areas in order to get to the core of what's hurting us. That's very painful !!! Once we get to the "bad" stuff, we can start working on getting RID of it, and putting it to rest. Then we can start working on the other things that are bothering us. It can be a long journey into healing! Yes, it takes time, but it took a lifetime to get as sick as we are, so we're not going to get cured overnight.

As for your "gender" or your identity, that's not YOUR problem -- you know who you are. That's your father's and family/s problem, and/or anyone else's problem that rejects you! They are IGNORANT and you must learn to forgive their ignorance. Yes, it will be hard because I'm sure they've said some very unkind things to you, but ignorance is due to being uneducated about the subject. And you cannot force someone to read or understand anything. If they're biased on a subject, there's nothing you can do about it. It's like racial bigotry -- it makes NO sense.

Physical pain I know all about. I've been a chronic painer for 26 years, and it's miserable. Like you, I don't LOOK like I'm in pain but if anyone could see my spine, they'd understand. Every breath I take, and every move I make (hey, I'm a poet) is painful. Doctors are afraid to give enough medication to even come CLOSE to making me comfortable, and I haven't slept a whole night in over 25 years. I average about 2-3 hours of sleep a night -- that's no exaggeration either. Friends all dumped me years ago cause I can't tolerate going out and doing ANYTHING. I can't sit in the movies -- to painful. I certainly can't bowl. LOL I don't drink (recovering alcoholic), blah, blah, blah. lol

But life goes on and I still enjoy living. Why, you ask??? Just because life is a GIFT! And if I can help just ONE person then my life is worthwhile.

Keep going to therapy, and soon you will see the results. If you just too miserable, ask your doctor to put you on an antidepressant. You probably should have been on one a long time ago! I've been on one for years -- I take it twice a day cause I've got a dilly of a case of depression. Talk to your doctor. He CAN help you, but ask your therapist FIRST, ok?? Please?? God bless you and please take care. We DO CARE ABOUT YOU! Keep posting too cause we will listen. Hugs, Lee