Hello? You have only known this paramour for a month and you are in love with him? He is a member of the BDSM community and you don't see a problem with that? What BDSM role does he like to play? Is he the dominant one who likes to abuse others? Do you see a possible pattern / problem here?

You claim to have old-fashioned values and don't want to have sex without love. Yet, you are in love with someone you have only known for a month and have never met. Someone who enjoys sex as punishing playtime. Frankly, I think he's playing the same game with you over the phone.