Thanks Lee, I'm still here after a few hours of sleep I am much better.
I know you are correct when you say the booze and the pills have to go, I have been off of illegal drugs for about ten years.
Things are better when I resist and do not drink or take pills that is a fact. But when I am in that crazy state of mind nothing can stop me. No rationality or logical thinking at all.
It's like I am on auto-pilot in these times and lose control and resort to using to stop from hurting myself.
What you said really helps though and I'll keep trying no matter what.
Dan