Thanks, I kinda know that... But won't it just be easier not to? I would end up blissfully insane and unaware of how ****** my existance is, or I'd be dead. Either way it spells F.R.E.E.D.O.M... I'm not suicidal, so please, nobody worry, I'm just tired of fighting, but it's my nature, and how do you even go against your own nature. Every year is shittier than the last, I'm fed-up. Fed-up with being here, fed-up of circumstances not changing regardless of my efforts. Fed-up with hoping that somehow my life will be good, fed-up with family and so called friends telling me to pray. Pray? So I can be dissapointed and hear 'no' repeatedly like I have been? These very people who believe prayer is the answer, that God is a god of prosperity and abundance, none of them know true suffering, none of them know poverty, none of them know the shame guilt and anger that eats at you bcoz you are unable to provide for your child. They say I mustn't worry about this life, I must work toward a heavenly afterlife. THAT MAKES NO FKN SENSE! In THIS life, I have bills to pay a child to feed and clothe. In THIS life, I have emotional and mental torment. In THIS life I have wants and needs. In the afterlife I'm dead... Praying is idiotic, I need to find something that actually works. I went from being an independant, self-sufficient women, and even breadwinner after my dad died to leech in a blink of an eye. That alone is fkn traumatic. I'm wracking my brain, doing everything I can think of to improve this ****** situation, zero results. Guys... I'm tired, I'm exhausted