Quote:
Originally Posted by Trippin2.0
Thanks, I kinda know that... But won't it just be easier not to? I would end up blissfully insane and unaware of how ****** my existance is, or I'd be dead. Either way it spells F.R.E.E.D.O.M... I'm not suicidal, so please, nobody worry, I'm just tired of fighting, but it's my nature, and how do you even go against your own nature. Every year is shittier than the last, I'm fed-up. Fed-up with being here, fed-up of circumstances not changing regardless of my efforts. Fed-up with hoping that somehow my life will be good, fed-up with family and so called friends telling me to pray. Pray? So I can be dissapointed and hear 'no' repeatedly like I have been? These very people who believe prayer is the answer, that God is a god of prosperity and abundance, none of them know true suffering, none of them know poverty, none of them know the shame guilt and anger that eats at you bcoz you are unable to provide for your child. They say I mustn't worry about this life, I must work toward a heavenly afterlife. THAT MAKES NO FKN SENSE! In THIS life, I have bills to pay a child to feed and clothe. In THIS life, I have emotional and mental torment. In THIS life I have wants and needs. In the afterlife I'm dead... Praying is idiotic, I need to find something that actually works. I went from being an independant, self-sufficient women, and even breadwinner after my dad died to leech in a blink of an eye. That alone is fkn traumatic. I'm wracking my brain, doing everything I can think of to improve this ****** situation, zero results. Guys... I'm tired, I'm exhausted  |
Trippin! I hear you!
I know it's so exhausting. It's so hard to deal with people who have no idea what they are talking about. I know exactly how you feel like this whole life people tell you that you can be anything you want to be. You can grow up and be special. Be somebody. But most of us are just peasants. Not everyone can be queen.
I know from your posts you're a good person! Life is struggle and you're right, you can't just pray and things magically turn better. That's not how it works. You can't let those people get to you. They are clueless to problems if they have none.
You can do it, Trippin. I know I don't want to get up every day, at all any more. I am running on fumes. If it was all me, I'd fall over and give up. I'm not doing it for me. I'm doing it for my kids. And maybe one day I can wake up and do it for me, too. But for now, I do it for them.
I know you're a good mom. Ignore the fools, rant and get the poison out.