The cost of doing this worthwhile experiment is that I left the session feeling alone and distant....It was awful.

Having T's back toward me, with him focused on the computer elicited feelings of being so far away, ignored...just distant. I shared this with him, and he acknowledged it. I felt SO sad.

I struggled with picking out a place to start on the therapy questionnaire that I sent him...to the point where it just simply didn't happen until we decided on one close to the end of the session.

At one point, he was talking about how impressed he was with the questionnaire and how it would be worthwhile for clients to share it with their therapists. I immediately told him that this stirs up one of the points in the questionnaire - about how I feel about his other clients - and I said, "**** your other clients".

Towards the end of the session, he turned around and we spoke instead of continuing with the experiment. It could have been a time of connection, but I just felt so sad and lost.

I guess it was a worthwhile experiment....even though the results weren't favorable....and it came at the price of having to go another whole week before I can work towards reconnecting with T....

I just feel like bawling right now....