Thank you, Rose.

I think I just want the pain to mellow a bit and accept the situation more.
I am doing a mindfulness meditation course at the moment and find it extremely difficult to let myself into it, but awareness and mindfulness should bring acceptance with them so I persevere.

I agree that it's possibly most important for us (apart from meaningful work and activities) to be loved and to love someone else. I think you have mentioned a few times that you have someone, but it sounded as if your relationship brings its own difficulties with it and your partner does not always show an understanding of your condition and feelings.

Yes, I hope to find such love. You can't really force it. I tried this earlier this year with someone but realised that my feelings weren't what I wanted / hoped them to be so it felt right not to pursue it.

Let us not give up hope. Love can be beautiful I guess, it just seems very elusive in my life. But our lives haven't ended yet. Certain options aren't open to us any longer, but love can be found at any age, I guess. Well, I hope so at least. That's what I'm trying to make myself believe and what I hope is true.