Thanks for all the posts.

Jan1212 - That last line about the party I had to have a mental chuckle. Sometimes I play a game in my head where I guess about things going to happen for the worse and just laugh on the inside about how horrible things are. But um, yeah I don't see a future for me at all, I don't do anything myself I have to be forced to do something and if I live alone I will just die.

Mommilady - My dad is dead now I only have my mom, and she knows that I have issues but doesn't know what to do. She can't help me at all. Plus I'm an adult so I have to do stuff on my own but as I've said, I don't do anything on my own cause I just don't have the energy or will to. As for right now I have 0 goals. Well actually I've never had any goals in my entire life. I hate everything about this life and I don't see that magically changing when I take any drug. I've been to the doctor before and I've told them I was depressed for a long time and they gave me a A/D and I was on that for a while but it never had any effect on me.

Leed - I have never tried therapy, because my parents always just shrugged off the fact that I had serious problems and I just don't know how to try. I wouldn't mind trying it but I don't know how. It would be very very difficult as well for me, because I am horrible at talking to other people. That is crazy that you just got "rid of your junk" I can't imagine what that is like. To me depression is just who I am, its always been a part of me. As I mentioned above, I've been to the doctor and told him this and got the A/D but it didn't affect me. Life is good? I find that difficult to believe. Right now I don't believe in nothing. As for grabbing sunshine, I'm a vampire (not the mythical one). I work nights and I never turn lights on in the house cause I just live in darkness. I wish me the best too but since I'm really the only person that can save myself, I really don't have too much faith in me.