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She knows she has severe anxiety attacks but she still drinks a whole pot of S. American black coffee every day. Makes about 10-12 cups
She never had a job, she just stayed home. When we were middle schoolers even to high school, she used to pick us up from school, and when she was angry, she would tell me she “was only here for my brother, so get out” I walked home a few times. Then it ended up with me just buying bus tickets. She degraded me about my academics-how my brother is much smarter than me, she would go to his student teach meetings, but not mine, always called me fat and ugly, and how everything I touched smelled bad. She kept me and my siblings in a hot car for hours saying it was good to clear our body and to sweat because we were too fat. She exaggerated things we did and made my dad angry when he came home from work. It’s like we were her enemy, she screamed bad stuff about me through the phone to our extended family and I could hear her. She cooks food in oil that are already fat (frying bacon with corn oil) She emotionally abused my siblings and me, then would serve us lots of fatty foods and sweets , ice cream as forgiveness. My father ended up being a diabetic recently.
A few years ago, my sibling had a scene, she tried running away, slept with old men, tried drugs, attempted suicide and finally all of us had to go into family therapy, I was called home from dorm and college only to get blamed for not being there for her. She blamed me that my sister did was my fault as well. During sessions, I could tell the therapist wanted to talk about my mother but she resisted, then things would be hell at home, my mom told me to sleep in the same bed as her. My mom convinced my dad to have my sister rotate/share my car weekly. She didn’t have a job, she used it to go to friends house. I had a job, for a while I had to use a crappy car that needed jumpstarting just so I can get to my min wage job and missed a few days at a local college. That car has a few dents now
Now my siblings do not live in the house anymore even though they are not financially secure, my guess they just had to run away from my mom. She purposely coughs on our food and says it helps our immunity; it usually ends up with someone being sick. If she gets sick it’s because she never washes her hands, whenever we shop, go out as a family, at the bathrooms, I see her touch the knob and just wets her fingertips, that’s worse than not washing your hands at all. It hurts because I try to explain things very nonjudgmentally but she gets very angry and snaps, gets sarcastic about me and my BF and I’m tired of watching my dog being bathed every other day with this weird mix of soap, it’s so bad for his skin. None of us want to talk to each other we know what we tell her, she will use it to embarrass us, my mother broke the family apart. She loves manipulating my father, but after therapy I feel he’s seeing what’s going on but I can see he forgives and works hard to support us all. Things are calm right now but I know it will always be a cycle
I appreciate if you took time to read this, I feel horrible writing this, but I knew I needed to. What are you guys thinking right now about her?
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