Hello, I am new here and came across your post as I was looking for reasons to carry on as well. We have alot in common and I understand your pain completely. I just wanted to say you are not alone. There is beauty out there, sometimes its hard to see it out of these cursed black tunnels. Do you have any pets? My dog Chloe gives me a reason to go on breathing often. I know some people will find that silly but it is true. She has even came to my arms and loved me right at the moment I was about to end it all and saved my life. Animals are innocent and love unconditionally and never hurt us emotionally. They are safe. You have a friend here who will listen if needed. Hugs to you