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Nammu · May 25, 2012, 12:33 AM

To me that screening process is terribly scary. The implications are so scary and the slippery slope of genetics testing that is becoming possible is even more frightening.

There are SO many things we can not screen for, and the truth of it is when you have your own child, you get whatever you get. If it isn't good enough what are you going to then, throw it away? (you can throw kids away psychologically as well as physically) A few years ago in one state parents were dropping of their older kids(teens) as too hard to handle. My ex husband was the oldest of three very handsome boys, and until he had spinal meningitis at 6 years old and became deaf he was adored. After that, his parents divorced blaming each other for his deafness(he lived knowing it was his fault!-not true-but!!) and his step-father beat him, even held a gun to his head(no communication-the family did not want to learn monkey language), he was sent off to boarding school and not allowed home for breaks-because his mom was embarrassed having a child that was different. Like me he wore a huge central hearing aid in a halter on the outside of his clothes-In his mothers economic status this was just too humiliating-having an inferior son! Gave him hand-me downs,and salvation army clothes(his folks were the 1% in Malibu! So much for California openness(yes I know-it's not an all or nothing thing) This was their own child--I do not understand parents like this. Later despite the community knowing about all of this she(his mom) was able to adopt two twin girls(yes as babies-one died in suspicious circumstances. I guess the rules for the ultra rich are different, maybe the times too, it was the 70's when she got the girls.

If people are not willing to take any child no matter the possible genetics, I think that should be grounds for disqualifications for ability to be adoptive or foster parents unless they are ruled incapable of handling the stress that could come with a special needs child. Then their ability to be adoptive parents should be questioned as most teens are special needs kids. (I said most-not all)

Things happen in life. Once you have a child you cannot just hand it back. And yes, I'm one of those who think parenting classes should be mandatory no matter the age or wealth of the parents, weather nor not they are the keeping the child or not. I truly believe that every time a guy donates sperm, he should have to go to parenting classes, even if he wants nothing more to do with the child. It might help cut down a wee bit on the number of sperm donor's running around from one woman to another and not paying child support-education & knowledge is great stuff.

Because of the psychological ramifications of what happened to my ex. I do hold him responsible for his own behavior-but understand where much of his anger came from. I believe people who want to adopt should have to volunteer with foster kids while they await their "perfect" screened baby. It might make them appreciate the beauty of all children. I was so very lucky to have parents who treated me no different than any other child, OK they did expect more from me but that had nothing to do with my Deafness or other people's view that I should be institutionalized-that had to do with me being me. They expected more from me because I nailed mostly good grades without trying, and voraciously read everything under the sun, was an average athlete and significant artist and made friends easily(before my world fell apart-thanks to a predator), No I was not great looking, I was no model with blond hair and naturally thin bones. Just Average. But the point is my parents treated me no different and expected no less. My ability to compartmentalize and create different "mes" to handle the abuse got me though my childhood with the parents I had. Without them I would not be alive. I had lessons, expectations, chores and was expected to behave like my sisters and relatives. For that I love parents. They never treated me special or different! What happens to the adopted children who are so screened but if they catch a disease anyway and become handicapped? What if is turns out to be a genetic disease? I hope the parents can be as good as mine were. I think this screening process is a set up for false hope, it's bot the babies and children that need to be screened-but the future parents and agencies that think screening is something useful.

Sorry this is so long. The more I thought about this and remembered my "ex" and his childhood the madder I got. I'll understand if this is deleted for being to angry or something.