T hasn't attempted somatic experiencing with me for a few years so it was a coincidence that we did some in session today, since rainbow has just been posting about this topic. It seemed to make more sense to me this time around. It didn't feel so alien or unattainable or weird.

I am having a lot of stress lately and experiencing very frustrating stuff and deliberate attempts by others to discredit or sabotage me (I sound paranoid, I know, but it is true). I am carrying around a lot of stress and negative energy and anger. I feel it in my heart. At certain times, I have the sensation that my heart is beating weird. It just doesn't feel right and it bothers me and I swear it is beating wrong. But last time this happened I got out my stethoscope to listen and it really sounded OK. So I think I may be unintentionally fabricating this symptom ..

Anyway, T helped me work on ways to discharge the negative energy, to rid my body of it. To let go of the anger and stress through physical movements and words. He said if the negative stuff is being held in my body such that I can feel it there, that this requires something physical to get rid of it. He also wants me to start another journal, and keep it separate from my other one, in which I write down all the negative and stressful stuff that happens to me. He said this will also help me get rid of it.

I was concerned that by doing this or even by talking about this with him, I might be making things worse by keeping the negativity in the fore of my mind (wallowing), but he said that I won't get rid of it unless I deal with it. He said processing with my friends who are experiencing similar things is also good, and I have been doing that.

So it was a different sort of session. I am not sure I loved it because it felt unpleasant to bring all that negative energy into our space. I guess I was worried that it might seem that way to T too, so at the end of the session, I asked him how the session had been for him. But he had no problem with it. I can bring all that negative energy into our space and it does not seem to phase him. He handles it much better than I can.