Weathering the storms. My mood swings have become much more severe as I've become older. I am tired. I used to have long periods of relief from the roller coaster ride. Now I'm either up or down. I'm on enough medication to knock out an elephant but I still feel everything so intensely. I weep with the roses over whelmed by their color. I dance in the street with the homeless man that just found a new home. I left my boyfriend of two years and ran off with an eccentric seven foot tall hairy mountain man that lived with wolves in Alaska.
The euphoria leaves me and I come crashing down. I wake up next to this stranger and wonder what happened. I leave the mountain man without a word. I slip out the door and go back to my cave. The flowers are withered now. Their dried petals are haunted by flies and spiders. I lie on the floor for days contemplating the dust. My T says this is just the way I am. I have a severe bipolar one disorder. I may always be on this carnival ride. The medication controls the severity of the ups and downs but it doesn't eliminate them. I'm not suicidal. I maintain a stable living situation. Still I am exhausted by the endless adventure.