((((Suzzie)))),

I see I sure wrote a lot here for you, but I have been struggling too and I have been seeing a lot of my own struggles in others as well here.

I think my main message to you Suzzie, it that if you can bring yourself to see what you have experienced, the whole point is not to shame or hurt yourself, but to for you to really allow yourself to see YOU in a different light.

All my words here are pointing to me thinking how by hiding what happened to me would help me avoid so I could allow myself to be happy in SOME ways. I have experienced some unpleasant things in my childhood where I wasn't able to fight back. It was not my fault that I couldn't fight back, but what I learned to do unknowingly is to think that if I pretended it didn't happen I would manage or survive better. And also if I didn't tell then no one would know how hurt and powerless I was. I didn't want anyone to think of me as THAT CHILD who HAD TO SUBMIT and WHO FELT POWERLESS.

If I put this different. We could have a favorite stuffed animal that gets really worn and can look raggedy, we hide it because we don't want anyone to find it and see it is so badly worn and throw it out. That is the mentality of a child and it often stays with us throughout our lives as well. If we are that badly worn stuffed animal, we too try to hide that somewhere so WE don't get disguarded. Although we can know that it is there ourselves and struggle with it in our own private way.

I think that if you can find the courage to show your T that torn worn damaged stuffed animal, you will find that your T has seen many others and can help you fix it so you feel much better about YOU.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes