I understand what your going through. Sunday is my stepdads sui anniversary, but T is going to be away Monday for the holiday as well, so I miss my appt. I would say keep posting here and utilize the email support he has offered. I plan on doing the same. The one thing my T told me is DON'T try avoid or hide from any of my guilt, it will just intensify those feelings. I would say don't put up a fasade allow yourself to feel what you need to.

Also I relate to your med issues. I'm recently dx bipolar and have been changing meds every week for the last 3 months. Hang in there. I'm finally stabilizing on the meds, you will too.