(((Rose))))

As I have come to know you thus far, I THINK YOU ARE A REALLY NICE PERSON.

I can think about the "shoe" story where you were complimented on your bargain shoes and embarassed because "they were not designer" which is what many people around you in your environment use as symbols of their personal success.

These are often the same kind of people that remind you of your mother and HER values. However, not everyone is like that, not everyone bases their real self worth on something they wear or own that presents THEIR IMAGE OF SUCCESS. Where you would heal is not being embaressed and then being embarassed that you were embarassed. THAT IS THE MIDDLE ROAD OF PTSD. Where you want to be is to actually be able to turn and say, YEAH, CAN YOU BELIVE IT, THESE ARE ACTUALLY NOT DESIGNER BUT THEY ARE JUST AS NICE, HA, HA, HA. That is actually showing that other woman THAT YOU DON'T ACTUALLY CARE and OPENS A DOOR and AN INVITATION TO HER SAYING THAT YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH YOURSELF NO MATTER WHAT.

Your father taught you this too as he often LAUGHS when getting caught like this. But you have to REALLY BE ABLE TO LAUGH WITHOUT SHAME. This is what often draws the RIGHT kind of people to you, people that give you real permission to BE HAPPY NO MATTER WHAT.

When you react in shame or by being uncomfortable, you expose your real weakness which will give power to others OVER YOU. This is what your mother did to you that you HAVE TO LEARN TO OVERCOME. If you really allow yourself to do this, many of the PTSD symptoms will disapate. Your shoes should be all about whatever it is YOU LIKE and WANT and the PRICE OF THEM or DESIGNER TAG is not at all important. You should never have to look or desgin yourself FOR OTHERS, YOU HAVE TO TRUELY BE JUST YOU FOR YOU.
And that is truely what will draw better people to you.

(((Hugs)))
Open Eyes