I hope you can find a way to take the chance. I know that for me, looking into my T's eyes is a wonderful feeling. I couldn't always. I think it happened slowly, when I would feel really connected, usually by something she said that made me feel heard and understood, and I would just be drawn to look at her then, and to affirm/confirm that I heard what she was saying. I think there is something in the not looking that is about the fear of looking inward, more than anything. Feeling heard and understood can displace some of that fear.