Trigger warning: self-injury and csa. Please be careful and be safe.

I called my T this morning. I haven't self-injured since college. Today it was too much. I remember more of the csa and last night I wrote it down. The urge to cut today is overwhelming.

I called T and left a message that I wanted to cut. I don't like to talk about it. T knows that I cut as a teen but she doesn't know much about it.

She called back an hour later. The urge was too strong. I was putting away dishes and saw the knife and I cut.

I want to cut again. I'm fighting it right now. I know where the knife is. The kids are busy. I could go get it and go in the bathroom.

I hate myself so so so so so much. I want to scratch, pinch, hit, cut myself.