I apologize to those who replied, for never replying in turn, even to offer a brief thank you. I tend to disappear when I feel that my emotions are getting the better of me.

Once again I find myself thinking of calling my mother. The thoughts are something like the following: I'll call her and invite her out for ONE visit and then tell her not to show up unannounced. This has been brought on by the death of my grandmother. It's left a hole in me that I wish to fill. I also want the portrait I drew of my grandmother back.

I won't call my mother. I know better than to go down that road, but it's maddening to keep thinking of calling her. I wish I could turn off the thought and make it go away but I don't know how.