I have been doing so good with dealing with my grief regarding Steve thought I had moved on been getting on good with my therapist that I have now, built up some level of trust. I don't think I will ever have the same level of trust I had with him though. The emotions I am dealing with now I want to talk to him about have him help me through them. Some of the acting out I am doing I know he would understand and be able to help me through but I don't know how S would deal with it so don't want to tell her. Today it just hit me with a ton of bricks that I miss Steve. I went to call his voice mail to leave a message which is something I haven't done in years and he has been gone for 4 years then I realized he's not there I can't do that. I have to trust S and see what happens. I don't want to. I am scared to trust her. It took me so long to trust him and then when I trusted him he died. What if that happens again? I couldn't handle that. I was so surprised with myself that I didn't end up in the hospital when he did die that I don't know what would happen if something happened to S.

How do you trust again?

Jan