Well I am thinking this might call for an old fashioned, handwritten letter. Sometimes trying to talk with someone puts them on the defensive, but a letter would allow her safety and privacy. Don't make assumptions that she is hot for your man, because that may not be the issue at all. Try to take the middle road, while you should tell her she is hurting your feelings, also express concern that something is bothering her and how much you are worried about her. Express how valuable her friendship is to you. Give her the option of sending a reply, or calling you. The hard part will be accepting that for one reason or another she may choose not to respond, or engage in dialogue with you at this time. Well that's my two cents