well-- I try to do what my boyfriend tells me to do when he is with me and I am this way-- Try to clear out your mind, try to think of nothing but space or just a happy place.... I was able to get about 3 hours of sleep but I had a nightmare that i don't want to talk about... i feel so tired.. my coworkers have told me to go take a nap..... sort of funny with me, i can't sleep at work though.

Spiderlegs- Really calcium? I need to take calcium any who-- I need to get more teas I like chamomile.

Open Eyes - oh boys there have been many days where cleaning and on top staying up going to work, staying up at home-- it has appeared to be the hypomania that helped with the Bipolar2 dx which I am going to ask with another T if I ever get there. it is funny that now I am like leave the PTSD on me but take off the bipolar, but when I first was dx I flipped out with the PTSD dx not the bipolar...... ANy who working ya tail off it has helped in ways but then also a part of me feels like i am just pushing things away- ignoring again... but I see what a distraction can do for good on these things instead of being reactionary and over analyzing I suppose in my case.

Just a side note with the whole honesty thread---It seems like the world is best off with ignoring which I don't get.... Ya know I have always believed in the concept even before I really understood from others of what it would result in, but the concept of breaking the cycles of abuse. I always said when I was little I don't want to be like this or that; i wanted to escape it all... "always try to make the next generation better" is something my dad used to tell me as well-- he had many flaws and part of his actions and stuff is part of my pain but none the less even he too, to a point was like "break the cycle" even if he could not in his early years.

idk- my boyfriend told me we would talk this weekend... I am really trying not to rock the boat any where I just don't understand things and I am trying to get it- I don't think it is right for others to tell me not to have perception to understand- It is what helps me not rock the boat to be honest and to be better and what has helped me out since I was a kid to think outside of the box-- I am sure that poster will ignore me with what I wrote back which was not negative but i asked not to be attacked.

On another side note: my Boyfriend he even understands of my pain with his family's actions- even his sister with not acknowledging what I replied with her writing on my FB page-- She has posted and wrote on others wall since she wrote of the dog question again and I have replied...--- It feels like she is wanting to rip open my wounds again-- the sad part is he realized that when I mentioned she has been on FB with other posts and just seems like to ignore what I answered to her question. I told him the least she could do is acknowledge it- this has been painful... I have already told him twice to talk to her-- if this third time does not work, I will put the fear of being the b i t c h as so many see with trying to communicate and tell her that the least she could do is acknowledge what I wrote to her. To be honest I don't see what is wrong with that.
I don't think he just agreeing to be agreeing by the way-

But I am tired and babbling

be well all--- I will try again with teas, and I will try to take calcium more (need to any who with my back I am just so bad at times with taking care of me- which i wish I was better with)...

Lol hopefully next week my home wont look like a tornado went threw it- this week i have not really done any cleaning and it looks bad... one big sign to tell I am deeply bothered.

The sad part is with all of this I have forgotten to RSVP for the baby shower of a friend that I have not seen since High school-- I really wanted to go to the baby shower, but even now I am doubtful that with a week i will be up to it. perhaps I will be.. I will be sure to write her a note and send her something as well but idk...

be well all and sorry for writing so much.