Beau - Mhmm, I suggested channelling overwhelming emotions because it really is hard to get a handle of overwhelming emotions in the moment when we have a reaction to something that has happened. You know the saying ‘Blinded by rage/anger’. When we’re reacting our emotions get the better of us so we aren’t really thinking things through rationally. We automatically go on the defence and are overridden by emotions. I remember when I was going through my irritated phase I would snap at people and get really defensive and have violent urgings. I felt like I could really smack them over the head hard! I couldn’t handle the situation in an assertive manner because I was triggered. I did not agree with what the other person was saying. In one particular situation I got into an argument with someone because they were trying to assert themselves over me and put me down. They were trying to put me in the wrong when they were initially at fault. It was a fear in me that caused me to react because I felt threatened and felt that the person was trying to tell me what to do and how to feel. Control me basically and that didn’t sit well with me. My reactions to the situation caused me to express myself in an extreme way. I screamed at them and was quite verbally abusive, yet also afraid at the same time. I later felt guilt/shame at how I handled the situation and would beat myself up about how those emotions/reactions weren’t acceptable. Those emotions were wrong and I judged myself harshly for it.

However, those emotions were acceptable because those were my coping/defence mechanisms in situations where I felt threatened. It was the best I could do given what I had. I had never learnt proper assertive behaviours growing up so I could not speak in a calm and mature manner. I couldn’t handle confrontation well. Anyway, I digress... the point I am trying to make is to express those emotions because they do have purpose/meaning to them even if it isn’t clear in the moment. It’s valid and shouldn’t be repressed because it’ll come up ugly anyways at some point. My bottled down emotions caused me to explode at various times because I was poked too many times and didn't resolve my underlying stuff...so it did come out ugly. It does take a clear mind to sort out the underlying issues so it’s best to reflect and sort things out when in a better mood. And to slowly learn how to respond well and not compromise your integrity in the process. If that makes sense...

I can relate to the apathy and pointlessness too, but am feeling a bit too sleepy to add further comments tonight...