Thank you all for your replies and hugs!!
I was thinking more about it and for the first time T was actually a little stern in his questions-asking "was it worth it? Being scared like that again"
So apart of me was upset he would be like that but another desperately wants him to be strict and tell me to not do this. I crave structure and rules and discipline I never got...and T knows that. When I emailed T I said I could tell in his voice something was off...he wrote back and said he had his nose in notes all day and that was it...he then talked about the nice weather this weekend and how he will try not to get burnt at his son's baseball game...and told me to enjoy the weekend and hell see me Tues...so I guess we will talk about it then...uggg!