when i first got sober i had no joy or gratitude. i was sad and mad i was an alcoholic even tho it was thru my actions that i became an alcoholic by excessive drinking. how could i be happy about that? how could i be grateful about that? why would not drinking be a fun life? i just wanted to be "normal."
by staying sober in spite of my negative attitude i slowly learned that i could become happy or better yet content. not that i demanded that but that it evolved out of my misery just by not taking a drink. i was not special to deserve this contentment and joy. it was primarily accepting what i had become and doing something constructive about it. it was taking responsibilty and ownership for myself in the present.
my perception changed from "why me" to why not me? thus began my healing.