Wikid - I think you probably really ARE a good friend; you are here, offering support and kindness.
I relate to feeling like too much to handle, as far as my own emotional struggles/personality/philosophical or intellectual intensity, whatever you call it - but then you never know, people are willing to handle a surprising amount for their friends, for people they love and care for. And people are able to handle a lot more than I (we) often give them credit for, I think .... probably some wouldn't want to know the real us, or the real struggle, but then not everyone could handle it or needs to know anyway. Just a few who can be more trusted and are more willing .....
Stopdog, I follow what you are saying, I think .... kind of like making a choice in your level of expectations. That, as long as you don't expect things from these people that are not in their capacity or desire to do or give, you can be with them or connect with them at the level at which they are. Higher expectations do lead to greater frustrations or dissatisfaction. I think acceptance of people as they are and recognizing what needs they can meet or what they can give or not give is key; then you can be more satisfied with what you do get and not be pissed because you wish you were getting more from the relationship, because you accept what you get as what they can give. So you don't ask too much and then piss them off either!
Hankster - I sure didn't learn much about good relationship or communication skills or social graces from my parents! But I did learn how to distance myself from the emotional turbulence in the house as a way to survive and protect myself ..... thus that is the old pattern I am yet wrestling with.
I think it's a blend of nurture vs nature though. I am by nature an introvert. I am not shy or afraid of social settings or really of people - but I think I prefer to observe rather than interact! And I am not so sure that that is all so much a product of what I learned ... as it is, it was already there and was much more deeply enforced/reinforced by my environment, and probably in some very unhealthy ways, creating some darker core beliefs than I would have had otherwise. Who knows where one ends and the other begins, though, and why spend so much time teasing that out?

All I know is that there is what feels like an odd dynamic at work in me - that of wanting connection and bonds at the same time as wanting distance and space, separateness and safety. Both exist and both are needs and so how do I care for each of them? And how do I conduct friendships that work in that context and are satisfying and enduring ......