Oh, and it does not escape my notice that posting this thread and kind of putting it into an analyzing type of context (me and my intellectualizing, ha) has helped me feel better in my body and my mind and not so emotional about what's going on with my friend. Like not the tightness in my throat or lungs and not the irritable twanging buzz in my brain ....
Like it's OK, if she wants to re-connect and it is meant to be, it will be .... and I can wait patiently and make no dramatic assumptions one way or the other about what she's thinking/will do.
I will still be me and I will still know who I am and I can be content enough and accept with grace (I think and hope!) whatever happens in the next phase of this relationship.