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First thing....i'm not even sure anymore about being here. I don't know if it's doing me good or more harm to my mental health. I don't know who cares and who says it because they want to be nice and kind and to try and make me feel better with saying it.
All my life i have been let down, abused, having promises broken, heartaches, loss, got told a lot of lies, hurt and others, but when i found here i thought it was different, i thought it was great to be here where people do care and love you and support you but now i see it's just them saying it so it makes me feel better. I don't want/need that. I need friends who are going to be here for me like i am when they need someone but i guess i really dont matter and i'm right with what i have been saying...i'm no one special....i'm not special....i'm not worth anything....i'm not important....my feelings don't count for anything.
Those you hold close will never stay but one day will come back but when they need you not when you need them....those aren't friends.....friends are those who hold on so tight that it hurts just to try and push them off but never works because that strength is too powerful.....they say love is strong but truth is who needs love if all it does is hurt you in the long run?? Like Tina Turner said "what's love got to do with it, who needs a heart when a heart CAN be broken!?!?!?" I don't want mine anymore....anyone want it?? It's free i'm willing to rip it out and send it to anyone who wants it.
The way i feel right now is that i'm drawning with no one to talk to, no one cares, others are more important than my "stupid" problems. If i try to talk it's always turned around onto them so either way i'm useless. I don't want to wake up tomorrow.....but i bet you that i will and get shouted at for missing church!! I'm so not that bothered anymore. I'm sick of feeling ill, i'm sick of doctors giving me any drug they want because they aren't sure what's wrong with me, i hate having the side effect of them when i prob dont need them, i hate that my life is all going down hill yet no one knows or even cares. Well my vent it over and it's fine...no need to respond or read this....just venting here because i have no one to turn too.
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Don't get caught up in what could be, instead appreciate what is. Appreciate what you have & who you have, because the future can take it away from you.
iamspecial is thinking....when all else fails....sit back...look at it....then re-think and start again
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