So sorry that your session is "offically cancelled", rainbow rose. Any chance you could contact your therapist and let her know that you're open to a video session? I'm not saying it will be the same as sitting across from her/him, but it might make the pain of abandonment less. I know that I really and truly want my therapist sitting across from me .. . as much as the face-to-face is painful and uncomfortable. . . but having that face-to-face connection is powerful and real. But when we're not able to have that, it has to be better . .. "good enough" to have some degree of contact. Is there any way to recontact your therapist and tell her/him that you are open to whatever they are willing to offer? Or is that too shaming?

I'm so sorry that things have not worked out for you the way you wanted them to. I sincerely hope that things get better!