Quote:
Originally Posted by Leed
Yes Kyle -- i hear you.  And I can understand too. There was a time when I was exactly where you are right now. Now that I'm older, I guess i've developed some coping skills. I'm NOT saying this for anyone to feel sorry for me, believe me, but i have NO friends either. They all dumped me when my husband died -- guess they don't want a single woman in a "couples only" group. Who knows? But I've determined that I'm better off without them.
But at YOUR age, I'd feel just as you're feeling. Miserable, and on the phone to a crisis center. Why do you hate to admit that you've called a hot line?  That's what they're there for -- to help! Don't be embarassed about it -- I'm PROUD of you for doing it!
You said your therapist is a good one, but you don't feel you're getting anywhere -- don't you think you've made ANY progress??? If you don't, then it's time to change therapists!! I've had to do that before -- sometimes they just aren't the "right fit." You've GOT to be able to really communicate with your therapist, and he's GOT to totally understand where you're coming from and to relate! if that doesn't happen, then you HAVE to change. Simple as that. And you KEEP changing until you find one that clicks. It's imperative, or you won't get anywhere at all. I finally found a psychologist who really ROCKED -- and I made progress fast! She was awesome, and i got my "power" back. I was able to make decisions that I was never able to make before. I was able to stand up for myself which was something I could never do before. People noticed the change in me, and were astounded!  In fact I scared some people. LOL One of the people I scared was my husband when I asked him for a divorce after he mentally abused me for 26 years! LOL All of a sudden he couldn't do that anymore. That was fun. LOL
I wish I could help you more -- but sadly I can't. But I'll be more than willing to listen so feel free to private message me if you'd like to talk further. Take care of yourself & God bless. Hugs, Lee
|
Thanks. I hear what you're saying, but I can't keep changing therapists. The mental health system in my state for low-income people like myself is ABYSMAL. If you get into the wrong agency, they just stick you with interns who either haven't even graduated from school or people who have no idea what they're doing. I guess the reason I say I'm making no progress in therapy because when I complain that I'm lonely, of course the first suggestion is for me to go out and make friends. Yeah, if it were THAT simple, I would've done it by now! I think they're avoiding the fact that I think I have Avoidant Personality Disorder; I really do want to have friends, but I can't handle a whole bunch of people at one time (I never have been able to!) and those who do enter my life I tend to push away, mostly by accident. The second bit I can't really describe well, but... some people just rub me the wrong way for some reason. I can't speak of universal traits, like "this person is blonde and I hate blondes" or "that guy is too macho, therefore I better avoid him!" I can't even describe what my problem is, and I guess that's why I'm not getting the help I need with it! Also, I've always got so many problems going on at one time that before I can address something deep-seated there's always something else that crops up and takes center stage! I have tried going to groups that center around my particular interests, but inevitably I leave for various reasons. Usually, I'm too intimidated by others or I feel I'm not included because there are already established cliques there and they make good and damn sure that, for whatever reason, I'm not EVER going to be a member in full standing. Besides, people tend to distrust me a lot because I'm very shy. I can take smaller "doses" of people, one on one or two on one is more my style. But mostly when I'm in a group, I listen. I absorb. I take in. I think (I'm almost always totally inside my own head, an unfortunate side-effect of PTSD.) And people "read" that as "he's being snobby!" or "he's just sitting back judging the rest of us!" or "he doesn't *really* want to be part of this group... all he's doing is piggy-backing off the rest of us and just riding us for whatever perverse pleasure he's getting from being here!" I really don't know what else to do. Oh, and forget about "small talk." It is literally PAINFUL for me to engage in small talk! I don't care about other people's kids, I know other people get bored hearing about the weather, and I have no life whatsoever to speak of, so I can't talk about work, or family, or whatever else other people talk about. And the few things I do know enough about to discuss comfortably are so obscure that people get lost when I try to talk about them! It's almost like I don't even belong on this planet.
