My T brought up the subject of depression and anti-depressants a few sessions ago. She "invited" me to talk further about it. I choked on the words in the last session. She is now on vacation. I get to talk to her again in two weeks. I am planning on trying to bring the subject up. But, I had wanted to bring up the subject last time and I choked on the words.
What is it like to talk to a Pdoc? What is it like to take anti-depressants? Can they really help with a sleep problem from hell? Crying at work?
I will go back to school in August and I don't want a semester like last semester. I had trouble with planning ahead. I seemed to overwhelm myself if I tried to think a week ahead about homework. At the end of the semester, I had trouble studying due to an odd I-don't-care attitude. I would sit down and start to do my flash cards. Then, I would just get this strong "Oh, why does it matter?" attitude and quit. I managed to get two A's last semester. But, I doubt that if I start the semester with this odd inability to plan ahead and/or I-don't-care attitude I can keep it up. I don't have much stress left in my life but the sleeping problem continues.
Now, I have a cold. I think I might try to see my doctor if I have it for a full week. But, I'm not sure she will be able to help me much. Besides, I really don't want her to see the things that I checked under "psychiatric symptoms" at my last physical. She didn't seem to notice them during that visit. But, if I mention the sleeping problem (7 months), she will think I am nuts. Maybe I am nuts.
I saw a book at the library that claimed that psychiatric drugs interfere with brain function! I know that there are many people who think taking drugs for emotional problems is wrong in some way. There is a preacher or two on the radio who dislikes the use of drugs in this way. It is almost like Christians shouldn't be depressed. I told my friend when he said that his pastor said that he could make it so that he would never be lonely again that this is wrong. I explained that even people in the Bible felt lonely. Do you think Job didn't feel lonely? Do anti-depressants change how your brain works permanently? Are they easy to get off of once the problem is over and the six months afterwards has passed? Do you get embarrased at the pharmacy when you pick up your prescription? Are your moods still real feeling? Do the drugs effect your brain's function in other ways? I mean the brain is what makes me what I am. Can I damage it by taking anti-depressants? I have always been very protective of my brain. Its such a smart brain that works in an odd way. If I do talk to a Pdoc, is he/she willing to put up with lots of questions? I have never had the guts to really question a doctor before. I don't want to just do what he/she says without having some of these questions answered. But, I have never had the guts to ask lots of questions of a doctor. I have trouble asking for favors from my counselor. I wish she would tape herself saying something that I really want to believe but just can't seem to quite believe. But, I don't even have the guts.
Does it decrease the level of negative thinking? I have always been a negative thinker. I don't even think I'd recognize my brain as mine if it didn't have a lot of negative thinking. That's like my signal that it is my brain. What would I think about if I didn't have the constant bickering between the positive thinking side and the negative thinking side? I mean I don't spend much time thinking or talking about hobbies. I mean I like to draw, write and take walks. But, what do you think about in relation to those hobbies?
Thanks for reading my big long ramble and questions. I just wish I knew what to do.