Does anyone else feel this way? I've been down before. I've had crashes into depression before. I've even been suicidal before. But this is something different.

I left a miserable abusive marriage to get back together with an old lover who was also unhappy in her relationship. It was better than great for a few months, it was fantastic. I was flying high on a mania, although I didn't realize it, and we had a great future planned together. When it all caved in, I went from planning our wedding in the morning to dumped in the afternoon to suicidal by the next morning.

Now that I'm off the mania and back to my usual depressed self, I feel like there is something broken inside of me. I feel like I fell so far so fast and crashed so hard that something broke - maybe permanently. I've never been an emotional person - look at what I did for a living - you can't show emotion, you're not ALLOWED to show emotion. Now I can't make it through a day without crying multiple times. The loss of what I thought was true love still overwhelms me. Realizing the damage I did to my wife and kids pushes me over the edge and I can't control myself. My wife keeps telling me it's healthy, it's just 40 years of locked up emotions finally coming out, but I'm not sure if I believe her.

Does anyone else feel this way, like something inside you is permanently broken from your bp or other diagnoses?