My 5 year old relationship ended a few days ago. I am feeling devastated and needy but I am trying my best to function. Struggling with no appetite and lack of sleep.

I keep going over in my head the reasons why things turned out poorly. The main one was that I was still married and not until this fall my children will be leaving for college.
My husband and I are ok with a separation but my romantic partner (BF) felt so burned out and unappreciated because we kept things quiet that he ended things now.

I can't really blame him but I also need to stop blaming myself. My kids came first and my work etc had to keep going. So yes my bf got a second class treatment. Maybe I burned his emotional wick, maybe he has changed and wants something else in life.

I love him dearly, and had been my closest and almost only friend. So all my routines and all my "fun down times" involved him. Now that he is done with me I have lost all my support system

We had some strange meetings recently, where he has spent time holding me and being nice. Mostly because he knows I need him and he cares for me, but I am afraid this makes things more difficult for him and even me. I also don't want him to hate me for doing this.

I want to be a better person, but i want to be completely sure that I am doing things for myself and not for him (to get him back ) or I will crash and burn.

I feel I need him so much. My anxiety is thru the roof and I am not doing well at work or home
Thanks for any advice