Will you go ahead with ending the marriage do you think? Would that make a difference to him? Do you not feel like the marriage could be repaired so that you could get your needs met with in it with professional help? I think no one else could tell you what is best for you. It sounds like you postponed a decision and have paid a price for it. I could not sustain my own marriage, though in my case he is the one that left, although I ended the marriage because I could not stand to be left in limbo when it was clear he was leaving. I hope you have a good counselor to help you work through this. I'm so sorry you are in pain.