I'm not really looking for any advice, I guess I just need to vent.

My friend and I had a pretty serious talk. She said that I'm possessive, that I get jealous when she's with other people, and that it bugs me when we don't talk. And this bothers her. She's wrong, but right to a certain extent. It only bothers me in certain situations and if it changes things between us.

I'm not jealous when she's with other people. But it does bother me a bit when I get thrown aside for someone else and I'm told I have no reason to feel bad. There was a time when she and I were having lunch and a friend of hers came and invited himself. After a while of this happening, she stopped talking to me completely and we stopped having lunch together for about three months. It doesn't get to me when we don't talk for a day or two. But it does bother me a bit when I'd like someone to talk to and she tells me I shouldn't be upset because she can't always be there and I should have other friends. And sure I'll admit it does feel a bit strange, but wouldn't you find it a bit off when someone you talk to every day suddenly stops? I know she'd find it weird if I stopped responding.

I've always done my best to be there for her whenever she needed me, whether it was 3 in the morning and she just needed someone to talk to or if she needed help in class. But sometimes I can't help but feel like I'd never get the same..although I admit that could just be in my imagination. It's just..if it were me, I would say we'll still hang out during our usual time and I'll be having lunch with another person another time, nothing will change between us. I would say if you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, send me a message or call me if I'm not online, if I don't answer right away I promise I will as soon as I can. I've convinced myself that I'm just EXTREMELY weird and that I should never expect people to do the things that I do. People don't answer their messages as fast as I do and things happen. Fine. I don't expect her to be there every single minute of the day. I don't ask her to. But is it too much to ask that she let me know if she changed her mind and isn't coming by to pick something up? Is it too much to ask to spare a few minutes one day because I'm feeling a bit down? I don't know, maybe it is.

I didn't mention anything because I know what will happen: I'm wrong, I'm unreasonable and I shouldn't feel this way. I'd hate to start a pointless conflict and make things worse so I'll just accept that I'm weird and go with it. I otherwise really value our friendship a lot and enjoy whatever time we spend together. But I guess my depression and past experiences are making me fearful. I'm afraid I must've done something to make her see me as a horrible person and feel like there is no hope for our friendship. I feel like once again I screwed up and she wants nothing to do with me anymore. I just wanted to be a good friend. I know she said things are ok, but I can't help but feel rotten about it. I just really hope I'm wrong and we'll forget about this and things will go back to normal soon...