hey. i have problems connecting with people sometimes too. sometimes i feel like it doesn't really matter how many people are around me... i never really feel connected to them. sometimes true isolation... comes from being around other people.
some writers talk of 'authenticity' where authenticity means being able to express how you truely feel, what you truely think, what you truely believe, just to express what is on your mind instead of having to put on an act, instead of trying to put on a happy face. a feeling of authenticity (in my experience anyway) can be hard to come by. it can be especially hard to come by when one is feeling depressed or low or irratible...
it isn't any fun when people have expectations on you to put on a happy face and act all bubbly and outgoing and energetic all the time.
sometimes i wonder, though, whether these are expectations that we put on ourselves as well. especially if we tend to hang around with other people who are like that when we are in a good mood. then the mood shifts and we give ourself a hard time, and the people are also giving us a hard time for it. sometimes i think that it isn't so much that they are meaning to pressure... it is more that they want us to be happy *for us* because it is simply nicer (for you) to be feeling happier.
but that being said i think sometimes sadness is appropriate. and contemplation and the like.
maybe...
it is about gentle steps...
maybe...
it is about finding people who aren't so bubbly and energetic all the time. people who aren't going to be as likely to have expectations on you to be bubbly and energetic all the time.
i don't know. it can be a hard one... sometimes it is about little steps. and even more importantly it is about not beating ourself up, it is about not putting such high expectations and demands on ourself.
i think there would be something abnormal if someone was uniformly happy and bubbly and energetic.
sometimes... it can be about pushing one a little to go out with people and stuff even when one is not in the mood.
sometimes... it can be about aiming for a 'pleasant' encounter more than anything else.
i dont' know. it is hard. but i figure things will change. and i figure there are a lot of people in the world who feel similarly to you... and maybe it is about... hooking up with some of them.