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Valis said:
Basically, it just seems so hard to tell yourself that your not alone, your cared for, and you don't have to runaway when your past life experinces have shown you otherwise. You know?

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Your life has actually shown you both cases, I betcha. It's the significance of the failures, though, that stands so starkly tall.

FEAR. False Expectations Appearing Real.

You run from an expectation. It may not be rational, in any respect. But, you do have final say on that.

You can change the ending on your tape. The scenes that flash through your mind end tragically. But, as director of the rest of your life, you can snip out that sad ending, and recast new players and new endings, to finish out that scene in a more self-affirming way.

When you run, you go with you. And so does that old tape. It's as if something creapy was taped to your back, and every time you look back there, you see it again. Until you realize that it's a trick. A trick of the mind, in fact. Not funny. But a trick, nonetheless.

Running doesn't change the ending on the tape. In fact, it might reinforce it.

I think that finding new people to fill the roles in our lives is a better solution. It's hard to cast those roles. Some people are dang good actors. But, there are some perfect "actors", the ones for whom it isn't an act.

If you can manage to bring up copies of tapes that include these good folk, instead of the ones with the scary folk, you can change your emotional environment. You can change the set of your life.

Lar