Phoenixdragon', Hello, welcome to PC.
In my exerience, one can't make another do anything.
Hubby is ill. Unpredictablly ill. Depending on him for your security is sorta a set up don't you think?

My suggestion is to sit down and discuss these issues when he is not acting out. Your staying calm and rational doesn't change his state to calm and rational when calm and ratioanl are the farthest things from his mind....... trying to commnicate at such times is irrational on your part.......

Expecting another to change to become who we wnt them to be is a pattern I see in relationships all around me. People miserable where they are and waiting for the other to change. What a self defeating cycle to be caught up in!

Have you thought about some therapy for yourself? Change your focus, help you sort these issues out?