Anyone else have complex-PTSD (c-PTSD)?

With mine, I always seems to be visualizing friends and family doing mean things to me. This is also the story of my life. I guess my brain has, over the years, tried to see the things that people might do to me. But, it has morphed into stories that repeat and repeat to the point that I don't want any new friends. If something bad happens, then I end friendships. And, I don't rekindle old ones if the c-PTSD thoughts are occuring and involve that particular friend(s). It is a quandry. I am prefering to be alone.

I have never recovered from the constant criticism and emotional abandonment of my childhood. It plagues me in my adult life. To this day, my surviving parent takes no interest in my personal life. Instead, I hear her problems. Her emotional game is so cold. Yet, with non-immediate family members, she is so well liked for being warm and friendly. She was never that way with her own children. She loves to manipulate people. Her advice - especially of an interpersonal nature - is uniformly bad. All she is concerned with is manipulating to get what she wants. Sadly, I have been taking her advice for too long and am not able to figure out the world on my own. It has been a total disaster.

I am spending the holiday alone. As usual. Unemployed. Broke. For some odd reason, I cannot summon myself to do much. I may get some cooking and ironing done. But, my apartment needs major work and I have no idea how to do it. I keep coming to PC to get better and to have some interpersonal contact but I don't think it should be a priorty for me to be here. I need to get better and I am not getting better.