TheSilentEmpath, please don't feel ignored because people haven't commented on your post. Most people that visit the depression threads are so beaten down by their own depression that to respond to someone else in pain would be a major effort on their part.

I'm so sorry to hear that life is so difficult, so painful for you that you would think about ending your life. I'm bipolar, and when I am in depression, just getting through the next minute is an effort, never mind trying to find a reason to stay alive. I know what it's like to live in the pits of h*e*l*l, to making an effort simply to raise your head off the pillow. I've been hospitalized eight times over the last six years for SU, the last time 2 years ago. That's when I finally started getting better.

I won't give you a Pollyanna story about how my life is so wonderful now and that everything is great. It still sucks on occasion - I'm still bipolar - going through a bad depression right now. Difference is I know how to fight it, how to cope with it, and I know that I won't always be depressed, that it will get better. It took six years of therapy and a s**tload of different meds until we finally found what worked.

Guess what I'm trying to say is don't ever give up. I'm 58 and I suffered with moods and depression all my life - wasn't diagnosed until I was 53. Hopefully it won't take you that long . Do you see a T or a pdoc? Ever considered a change in meds, or am I just asking stupid questions that have been asked a zillion times already?

You're in my thoughts and prayers - please be gentle with yourself