Today one of the guys in my classes told me some stuff and it really made me think.

I hardly talk in class even though I really want to and I'm very closed off with everyone. Everyone does make an effort to talk to me though and I try my very hardest to speak back even though I can only say a few words.

Today my friend was saying things like 'everyone is trying hard to talk to me but I'm not giving anything back' and 'I need to try hard to talk otherwise I'm never going to get anywhere in life' and although everything he said was true and I know he was just try to help it's really upset me and got to me.

I don't feel normal. I honestly feel like I'm broken and there's something massively wrong with me. Although I know there are loads of shy people in the world I still feel like a freak. I just sit in class all day not talking whilst everyone else talks to one another although I'm desperate to have a conversation with somebody. I feel so so lonely. Espcially since I am the only girl in the course as well. I'm not used to being around so many boys. Even though everyone tries to include me I really feel like a complete outcast sometimes. I feel like I'm being so rude just not talking to anyone and I don't want to seem like I don't want to be there or anything.

I try so hard everyday to say something but I can't. I really really can't. I honestly think I will be stuck like this forever and I won't be able to live like this.

I'm completely broke as well and I can't afford anything. I live with my mum so she pays bills and stuff but I broke my glasses and I can't afford new ones so I'm blind and all my clothes are getting really old and starting to rip and tear but I can't afford to replace any of them. I need a job so bad but every time I come across one I read that they need someone who i s confident and energetic and all these things I'm not and so I don't apply. No ones going to want me anyway. I wouldn't even be able to get through the interview.

My shyness is completely holding me back from doing anything with my life but I don't know what I can do. I know people are just going to tell me to try harder and try and go up to someone but I know it's impossible. I'd probably just burst into tears because it's too hard for me.

I'm 19 now anyway, if my shyness hasn't gone by now there's no chance in it ever leaving is there? I don't know what else I could do.