Hi,

I am so much depressed for months and the only thing that just gives me any kind of meaning in my life is the girl i wan't to be with.

Now to me it seems so complicated everything...
I loved her from when i know about myself.. and 5 months ago we had our chance together..
... i am WAAY to lazy to write everything.. actually anything.. i MAKE MYSELF TO WRITE THIS>. because i don't want to get helped! (i only write here because i know it's the right thing to ask for help - even though i really don't want anything expect "her"..

I don't see joy in anything in my life.. i can't socialize with my friends anymore as i used to, this have big impact on my work, on my family on MY FUTURE plans to improve my career.. on literally everything!!>.
I have endured ENORMOUS amount of consistent emotional pain over the past months..

I love her.. i want to be wit her.. since it's the only ting in life that brings joy in my life and any kind of meaning.. it's the only thing that makes me feel fulfilled.. she is the reason why i would continue living..
I can only imagine my future with her and no one else.. not even bymeslf.. and even the thought of TO LET ALL TO CHANCE.. it snaps nerves in me.. i feel hurt, anxiaty ... fear of loosing her forever this time..

There is much information in this attachment word document (diary of some kind..)
..
I am sorry for my attitude.. i did not used to be like this.. i just don't want to make up fake smiles or fake good attitudes in here too..
Thanks!