Wow - Thanks! I can relate to all those - the constant cycling so I avoid being left and also my form of self destruction is I can't handle or maintain success.

Finding this forum is amazing to me. No one I know understands - even me - what I do or why and I keep getting blown away seeing my own struggles in others.

It's still new for me and I don't have a therapist or DBT classes so I hope this will help until I can get to a place that offers those.