I've actually gotten back together with him. I realized I couldn't live without him. Though I'm not going to have him move in. I think that we did that too soon. I've never lived with someone before. Sure I've stayed at a bf;'s place ever so often and vice versa, but I've never straight up lived with someone. We moved in within a few months of being together. I need my space, but I still love him. He's actually very healthy, he drinks maybe once a week and goes to the gym 3 to 4 days a week. My problem is a trust issue and a fear of commitment from past hurt. It's hard for me to let people in. Working things out with him will be good for my my soul because I felt like I was going crazy without him and I think he was too a bit, that's why he was drinking a bit more. I worried a lot about him. I realized I didn't know how to ask him to move out without upsetting him which led me to wonder about why I wanted him to move out and then I thought perhaps it's because things aren't working out and would'nt work out with him eventually in the end.
Essentially it was self-sabotage. I realize now that I have a lot of relationship baggage that I still need to deal with and work through and that jumping right in to a living situation with him was the wrong move.
I need to still be able to find myself and have my own space to think and recharge (I'm more of an introvert) without having him there all the time. I know that may sound weird to some people, but that's just how I am. I think I've always been like that, sort of a loner.
I also miss him the nights he's not here but I know it's best he's not here because otherwise I know I would jsut spend time with him and never work on starting a new career, which I so desparately need. Maybe down the road we can move in somewhere again, but it'll have to be a much bigger place.