Thread: Scratching
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Old May 29, 2012, 06:18 AM
ickydog2006's Avatar
ickydog2006 ickydog2006 is offline
Poohbah
 
Member Since: Dec 2004
Location: NM
Posts: 1,455
I had to fight to not do it when I quit cutting. It's not that it's a problem now, it's that it WILL become a problem. As you've already noticed it increases in quantity and soon it will increase in damage too, and it's only going to get harder to stop as time goes on. When I first started si, I pressed a safety pin into my skin, it didn't really bleed and stung for a few minutes. That was a Tuesday. Two weeks later (Tue) I got upset and did it again. Next week (Tue) it didn't hurt as long so I pressed deeper and got blood and stinging for a few minutes. That Thursday I was stressed again and repeated the process. Tuesday came and I needed it, and had to go deeper because the pain wasn't enough. By Thursday I needed it again so I promised myself I'd only do it on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I stuck with that for a few weeks, but the pain lessened more and pricks weren't enough. I tore apart a razor and made a small cut. Hell that hurt, but the pain lasted long enough to calm me down. I thought I could keep it to one cut a week and use the pin more often. Still not that bad I thought, it's not like I was causing permanent damage. But soon that pin prick wasn't even worth my while and that small cut wouldn't stem the oncomming panic attack. They got deeper. But then I had to start worrying more about infection and stitches so I had to increase frequency. I started tracking when and where I made cuts by drawing my wrist and putting the cuts on there with the dates. I gave up after three weeks because they were so overlapped and there was no where left to mark. Another month and I had to do it every morning to keep most of my panic attacks at bay and would reopen it throughout the day as need be. Did I know it was getting out of hand? Yes. Could I stop, No? Within a few months I was rapidly running out of skin. The morning cut became not enough and I started crisscrossing cuts so I had patches of skin that looked like hamburger. By the following year I was blacking out while I cut and would snap to with blood everywhere. But how did that happen, it was only a pin prick everyweek. Didn't even draw blood at the beginning, not like I was causing permanent damage.
Sorry if this was a little harsh and graphic but you need to kow what you're setting yoursel up for.
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